adventures in cupcakes

Do I want to love this?  No. 

Can’t stop!

shecagosports:

Starlin Castro singles to score two runs as the Cubs beat the Dodgers 4 to 3 in 11 innings.  Darwin Barney scored the winning run on a David DeJesus bases-loaded walk. Travis Wood pitched in his first major league game. 

The Cubs wins the series with the Dodgers. 

Let me start off saying…

If you subscribe to my blog, you’ve heard my family drama before and feel free to skip past this.

Fair warning.

The sperm donor and his wife were supposed to come and visit this Thursday-Monday.  The original plans were for me to pick them up from the airport on Thursday and then get them back into Chicago on Sunday to their hotel, which had a shuttle to get them to the airport on Monday. 

Well, I found out after those plans had been made that I had tickets to a baseball game from work and that it would be a great opportunity to network with some of the people that are in my field.  As a young professional, you should be taking every single opportunity to network, yes?  I think so too.

In light of that, I made hotel reservations at the Hilton downtown for myself.  I let them know via text that my plans had unexpectedly changed, but that I needed to attend the game, and that I appreciated them being cooperative.  I send them exact directions on how to book themselves very cheap ($89) rooms there also, and that I needed them to take a cab from the airport to the hotel. 

Here goes the tale of what a crazy, self absorbed bitch I am. 

They first started with the “I can’t afford to spend money on a hotel”.  Fine.  I offered to let them share my room.  The next line of defense was that they refused to take a cab from the airport to the hotel… because it was “unsafe”… “having someone drive me around aint gonna happen”…”its out of our comfort zone, and we’re not going to do it”

For real?  You are from the middle of nowhere, how would you know if taking a cab was unsafe?  MILLIONS of people depend on cabs every single day for means of transportation.  It’s perfectly safe.  I’ve done it tons of times.. never had a bad experience.

If you had doubts about the safety of a cab, wouldn’t it make sense to take the advice of someone who lives there and uses them?  I would say yes.  However, these people seem bound and determined to do exactly the opposite of what I say.  I let them know that staying in a hotel near the airport was a horrible idea - its a really really really bad neighborhood.  Like, don’t get out of your car even if you’re in a car accident bad neighborhood.  They went ahead and booked a hotel room there anyways.  Catching a cab is perfectly safe, but I sure wouldn’t walk three blocks in either direction. 

Next came the blaming me for EVERYTHING under the sun.  I was a self-absorbed career hungry person who was blowing them off to “hobnob with the big wigs”.  Sweet gads!  It’s not like I was abandoning them for the weekend, I was simply asking them to take a cab to a very nice hotel downtown with a beautiful view so that we could all get a good night’s sleep, and then drive back to my apartment the next day. 

And really - wouldn’t every parent support their child networking like this?  Especially if they paid for a hotel room?  Bend a little!  Be flexible!  Just because they were going to be in town doesn’t mean that my life stopped.  It means that I’m rearranging everything for them, and they need to be supportive if something comes up - like a work event. 

So, let me sum up this part of the story with saying that because I asked them to  take a cab to a paid room at the Hilton, they cancelled the entire trip.

Fine by me :)

I had a FANTASTIC two days in Chicago.  Had a blast at the baseball game with co-workers, and then stayed in my fancy hotel room with a beautiful view.  I slept in late Friday (I went ahead and took my vacation day!), and then explored Chicago!  I went up and down Michigan Avenue, and then did a little shopping on State Street.  After that, I went to the Chicago Cubs game - go cubbies!

Going to the Cubs game was the most magical experience ever.  It’s truly been my favorite thing I’ve done since moving to Chicago-land.  Wrigley field was… breathtaking.  It’s old school baseball - pipe organ, 7th inning stretch complete with ‘take me out to the ball game’, hand turned scoreboard, ivy outfield….  Just amazing.  I didn’t have a choice in the matter - I’m straight up a Chicago Cubs girl :)

And you know what?  I wouldn’t have gotten to do any of that if they would have come.  They refused to visit Chicago, because they “don’t like the big city”.  You can’t say that you don’t like the big city if you’ve never been to the big city.  You don’t like driving through Kansas City because you’re a fucking country bumpkin who thinks more than 3 cars is a traffic jam.  That’s an entirely different experience than walking up Michigan Avenue, seeing the lake shore, and seeing the river.  It’s magic, especially at night.  And they weren’t interested in any of it.  

They were so unwilling to try public transportation - like even were balking at the fact that I wasn’t going to drive to pick them up from the airport.  I was going to take the train up and then take the L to pick them up from the airport.  (L is the subway system - this one is elevated through Chicago and is a beautiful view).  There’s really no reason to drive through Chicago, ever.  There’s all sorts of public transportation, and that is what I use to get around.  If you’re visiting, you have to adapt to the person you’re visiting’s life.  That means taking public transportation.  On top of the “that’s the way I do things” fact, I drive the tiniest of cars.  I have a Fiesta, and it’s a two-seater pretending.  There is no room for someone to sit in the backseat.  These people are…. not small.  How in the heck would they fit in the backseat, especially for a two hour drive?

End of rant.

Moral of the story - take a Friday off to enjoy a baseball game every once in awhile.  Explore your city.  Live life, and be so thankful for the opportunities you’ve been given.  Know that blood doesn’t make family, and say thank you a million times to the family that you have.

10 Ways To Be a Body Positivity Advocate

jaggedflow:

1. Be yourself. Whatever size, color, religion, gender, race, or sexual orientation. Don’t make apologies for yourself. Believe in the righteousness of your cause. Believe that hate helps nobody.

2. Understand that you’re beautiful. Understand that people who criticize your body or my body or Kelly Clarkson’s body can’t take that away from you. Understand that a lot of people are hateful morons, and they don’t reflect on you, and they shouldn’t affect you.

3. Let go of fear. Don’t let fear keep you from living your life the way you want to. Don’t be afraid to put on spandex and go to the gym. Don’t be afraid to order the cheesecake. Don’t be afraid to use the word fat. Boo during the trailer for that disgusting Dane Cook movie. Don’t be silent. Don’t allow yourself to be marginalized.

4. Challenge fatphobic (and thinphobic) statements when you see them. Don’t be afraid to speak up.

5. Read blogs, leave comments, join the community. It’s not a monolithic wall of agreement. There’s plenty of room for debate and conversation.

6. Bring body positivity and size acceptance issues into your communities. Science fiction, LGBT, yoga. Whatever you can think of.

7. Link to your favorite body positivity blogs, maybe in unexpected places or in the middle of unexpected conversations–spread the word.

8. Brainstorm different ways to be an advocate. The dressing room project? Fat hate bingo? The fat rant? All of these began with individuals who are helping make things happen.

9. Create body-positive art. Be a performer, a dancer, a cheerleader, a magnet maker, a photographer, a model, a poet, a painter, a T-shirt designer, a songwriter, a novelist.

10. Have more to say or a unique perspective? Submit a guest post to a blog like this one. Or, if you’re very brave, start a blog of your own.

from the Big Fat Deal blog

family: a primary social group consisting of parents and their offspring, the principal function of which is provision for its members.

family: Two or more people who share goals and values, have long-term commitments to one another, and reside usually in the same dwelling place.

Common strand here?  Caring for each other.

For those who know me, you know my relationship with my biological father and my stepmother has always been… shitty turbulent.  My biological father has never really made an effort to get to know me or take an active role in my life.  That has been something I’ve struggled with my entire life - I’ve never understood how you can bring a child into this world and then not want to be involved with them or even know how they are doing.  I haven’t told my biological father “i love you” since…  early high school I believe, if not earlier. 

I guess a little background is required on this.  My parents divorced when I was little - like pre-school/kindergarden age for me.  My brother and I ended up with our mom.  My mom met a wonderful man and married him - after making sure that it was a good fit for us as well as her.  We mattered, and even had us involved in the wedding.  He always treated us like we were his own children - it never mattered to him that he wasn’t our biological father, he was our dad.  We were his kids.  He was the best little league softball coach, and was there for every single event in our lives - from softball games to science olympiad meets.  We have a normal father/daughter relationship.

My biological father met his wife, whom we had minimal interaction with.  We went to visit them one weekend, and they sprung it on us that they had gotten married.  My brother and I had no idea that this was coming.  I truly believe that this was the setup for a bad relationship.  You can’t force something this major on someone and tell them that you have to love this person because they’re now “family”, especially when the person telling you this has barely behaved like family.  We never really ‘clicked’ as a family unit.  I can’t speak for my brother, but I know I always felt like I had to watch myself because they were always watching me and waiting for me to screw up.  I felt so out of place.  There was never any acceptance of us - it was always made very clear that we were the step-children.  We weren’t theirs, we were basically just on loan for the weekend.

It got to the point where I would hate going there.  I stopped going.  It wasn’t worth the stress, and besides, this was about the age we really got involved in little league, school activities, and had lots of friends.

Through all of my elementary school/middle school/high school years, I only remember my biological father coming to two events for me - one softball game (that he only came to because my little brother had a game later) and my graduation.  He would come up for my little brother’s scout things or football games, but I never got any of that attention or approval. 

Fast forward to college

The communication between the biological father and step mother is just as infrequent.  There is little if any communication that is initiated by them.  For most parents (and families), college is an exciting time.  Their babies are getting ready to spread their wings and fly, they’re finding out who they truly are and what they want to do with their life.  They didn’t give a damn.  There was never any time why they asked why I chose my major, what I wanted to do, etc.  My mom and dad (step-dad, but I will always refer to him as my dad) were interested.  They wanted to know why safety was it for me, and gave me encouragement to do what I wanted to do.  They were they cheering me on for every interview and assignment. 

First internship

I landed a great internship with a big company that had its headquarters about three hours away from where I grew up.  My mom and dad helped me find an apartment, and when it came time to move, helped me move in and get set up.  They visited that summer.  They were excited for me.  My biological father and my stepmother.. were pretty much the opposite.  They had very little interest in what I was doing for this company, but were damn excited that I was moving to a town where my dad had an old friend.  My biological father did assist in the moving up process by bring me some furniture, and I appreciate that.  My biological father and my stepmother visited once that summer - but again, it wasn’t about learning about my job or hearing how my summer was going - it turned into pretty much just seeing their old friends.

First job

The job offer that I accepted required me to move 10 hours away from where I grew up.  My mom and dad couldn’t have been more excited for me.  They were sad to see me so far away, but so proud that it was almost embarrassing :) you could see it written on their faces anytime someone asked them about it.  They were great at helping me get things together for the moving process.  It was never an inconvenience to them because helping me get ready to move is part of parenting - you take care of your babies, no matter how old.  I will give my biological father and step-mom some credit on this one, they did donate some furniture and things to me.  However, they made sure to let me know how much the moving truck for them to get stuff to my house was and let me know that it was seriously inconveniencing them that I couldn’t come pick it up.  It was ridiculous. 

Anyhow, I got moved.  It wasn’t but two months later and my mom already had come to visit me.  My mom and dad had checked in to see how I was liking it at least three times a week.  They wanted to hear all about my new life.  … I had yet to receive any communication from biological father and step-mother that wasn’t initiated by me.  I kept trying to get a visit planned, and received no cooperation on their end. It was as though they had no interest in my life at all.

I’ve been here for right at six months, and here’s where we stand on that:

They haven’t visited, or initiated any communication with me at all.  They tell me that they’ll make it up here once by the time I’ve been here a year, but I seriously doubt that.  My step-mom’s oldest lived in Houston for awhile, and they made it down there at least twice a year.  I apparently am not privy to the same attention that her own children are.  I have flown home twice now and driven home once, and not one of those time did they attempt to set up a visit.  They had creeped me on facebook and asked about my flight arrival/departure times, but still never tried to see me. In fact, when I asked about why they didn’t do that the last time I was home, I got told that they had more important things to do. 

———

And that is a whole pre-cursor to this.  I get a call from my brother last night asking me what time my flight lands on Thanksgiving….  I’m confused, because I don’t fly in on Thanksgiving, my flight is the day before thanksgiving.  I get him all straightened out on my travel arrangements finally, and then ask why?  Well, it turns out that my biological father had called him and asked him what time we would be at thanksgiving.  He had somehow gotten it in his head that I was flying in on thanksgiving, my brother was picking me up at the airport, and then we were making the drive to his house for thanksgiving..

wtf.

Nobody has asked me about my flight plans, so I’m curious how exactly he and his wife decided on my travel plans. 

And here’s the thing: thanksgiving is supposed to be this great holiday where you get together with family and friends and give thanks for what you have in your life.  I know I personally will be giving thanks for all of my friends and family - but let me be clear when I say family that family isn’t made by blood.  It’s made by relationships.  My boyfriend’s parents and extended family are more family to me than my biological father and step-mother ever have been.

So I’m finally standing up for myself.  I’m not wasting a day or two out of my precious time with my real family to go waste time pretending to play family with my biological father and step-mother.  If they haven’t made keeping in touch with me a priority, and told me they had better things to do than to see me while I’m in town, then I’m not wasting vacation days on them.  It’s not worth the emotion turmoil for me. 

So..

I guess the whole point of this rant was to say your family isn’t something you are born into.  Family are the people that you surround yourself with and that you would do anything in the world for.  Sometimes you happen to be born into it, sometimes you make it. 

I’m done seeking approval from someone who has never cared about me.  I know it’s silly, but I think that’s ingrained in you from such a young age (the need for parental approval), and it’s been something thats really hard for me to conquer.  The distance has been good for me though.  I don’t need their approval.  I’ve finally realized I can do this on my own, whether or not they care.  I have a great family who already loves me.  I’m done trying to fit into theirs. 

thank you to those of you who have been there through this for me.  i love you <3

This has been the best part of living on my own - getting to have adventures in cooking :)

(Source: realityofhealthy)

mols:

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“Time is both your friend and your enemy.  The sharp sting of separation slowly fades and becomes a dull ache as you settle back into life without him.  It becomes manageable, but at times that feels worse than when you felt it every second.  You might even feel guilty that you’re able to go on as usual.  But you do, because it’s the only thing you can do. 


The days pass and it get easier…and harder.  Each day feels like more distance between you and him, although you know it’s not true because the moment you see him again all the time and distance disappears and you can breathe again.”

so ready to be able to breathe again… friday morning.  so close.